


I Wanna Be Adored

by Scum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Angst, Bottom Eren Yeager, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eren Is a Little Shit, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 16:57:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13462545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scum/pseuds/Scum
Summary: After failing his exams, arguing with teachers and getting in fights for what he's told was the last time, Eren finds out that he's being moved schools -- but not just to any old school. He's being forced to go to SinaBoardingSchool.And once the initial anger passes, the quiet bitterness sets in. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, or make any new friends, or join any club activities, or hand in his homework on time. And the fucking last thing he wants to do is talk about how he's feeling. Especially not with the annoying teaching guiding him around, the old-timey headmaster whose room smells of coffee, the irritating meatheads in his English class or his weirdly-hot-in-an-emo-way new roommate...(i.e. - the fic in which Eren and Levi end up as unlikely roommates in boarding school and shit happens.)





	1. Frustrated

* * *

 

The silence was unbearable. For what felt like 5 minutes, neither of them spoke.

"I'm sorry, Eren. But you knew the repercussions," Grisha said, voice stone cold as he made a sharp turn in the road. There was a light pitter patter of rain on the window, interrupted by the rhythmic swiping of windshield wipers. The car made a strained noise and it skidded slightly on the wet ground.

An awkward pause, as Eren looked incredulously at the back of his father's head, from the back seat and then slowly blinked.

Somewhere in his mind, he knew that it was strange for a 17 year old boy to be unironically sitting at the back of the otherwise empty vehicle, but he refused to sit next to his father, where his mom used to sit. As he kept staring with his mouth open and said nothing, he knew that it wasn't that he didn't know what to say, it was that he had so much he wanted to say that nothing was coming out. He couldn't even imagine where to begin.

"Are...are you _serious_?"

Another awkward pause.

Grisha said nothing, which only made Eren more frustrated. He was staring so angrily at the back of his father's head, it was surprising that there wasn't a hole in it - being ignored made him want to punch something, especially when he had asked a question - why wasn't his dad answering? The entire situation was such bullshit, Eren wanted to scream so hard and yet, at the same time, never speak to him ever again.

The silence stretched out and, for a moment, it was almost peaceful, with the sound of the rain calming him slightly. Of course, that didn't last.

"What about my life here?!" his eyes widened angrily, as his mind filled with all the things he wanted to say, "what about..."

Eren's voice broke and he swallowed, face turned slightly red from both anger and embarrassment.

"What about Mikasa?"

Finally, Grisha sighed and spoke.

"It's not a prison, son. You will be able to leave at the weekends to see your sister and have free time at the end of each day. The commute is doable in a weekend. You do realise that most children would be extremely grateful for such an opportunity,"

Eren scoffed,

"Sina is one of the top boarding schools in the country. The prestige, competition - not to mention–-"

"But, I don't care abo--"

"Do NOT interrupt me, son. Do you have any idea how much money this costs? The facilities are excellent. You should be thanking me, not acting like a selfish, ungrateful child," Grisha turned sharply in the road, forcing himself forward in the car seat, "it is your own fault, you were warned about the grades, the rudeness to teachers. This is not up for discussion."

Eren sit back harshly, hitting his head on the seat. His breathing was hard and quick, eyes wide. It was starting to hurt inside his lip where he'd been biting it to hold back from punching something. Bitterly, he wondered to himself if Camilla, his stepmom, had had something to do with the situation. Maybe it was truly just because of his terrible grades and terrible behaviour. Probably a combination of both. It had been three years since his father had remarried and little to no progress had been made in his relationship with his 'new mom'.

His thoughts were all over the place, he needed to close his eyes and try to calm down. He breathed in and then out, again and again. Again, again...

Eren jumped when the front car door slammed shut; he hadn't even realised they were home. It wasn't until his dad was finally inside that he crumbled into his hands and squeezed his face, then his hair, letting out his anger. It took a minute for him to compose himself, then grab the keys from the decorative bowl inside and lock the car door. At least his dad hadn't forced him to go with him so he could lock the door. Then again, he probably just hadn't cared anyway.

* * *

Dinner that night was one of the more uncomfortable experiences of Eren's life; probably Mikasa's, too. She hadn't argued with their dad at the news, which, even though he knew was trivial because there was nothing they could do, upset Eren. So he was pissed off at her, too. And then he got mad at himself for being mad at her, which just made him even angrier and ruder to everyone. It was a vicious cycle that he couldn't get out of.

"This is lovely, thank you Cam," Grisha said. His wife gave him a strained smile. The tension at the table was stifling.

It wasn't lovely, Eren thought. He chewed slowly and pushed his fork all over the place, avoiding the food. The mashed potatoes were lumpy and the sausages had a weird fake skin.

He sighed loudly, knowing that he was just in a bad mood. It wasn't... technically Camilla's fault. Without excusing himself, Eren poured himself a glass of water and went up to his bedroom. Brain on autopilot, he took his homework for Monday out of his school bag then realised what he was doing and stopped. He thought to himself that, come Friday, he'd be in a huge, freaky building with hundreds of new people. With great satisfaction, he threw the book across his bedroom. At least he wouldn't have to sit through Mr. Clark's boring math lessons ever again and feel like shit when he didn't know what was happening. He walked over to the book which he'd thrown at the wall and picked it up, turning it over in his hands. On the back, it read:

 **EREN JAEGER  
** **MATHEMATICS**  
**CLASS C5**

There was a tiny scribble next to his name, covering a dick that his friend had drawn. He put the book down gently and downed his glass of water.

And it wasn't until later, whilst shampooing his hair, that Eren decided he would take the time to do all the fun shit he never got round to doing. All the random things he'd told himself to wait until tomorrow to do...

Which was why he ended up in the mall on a Thursday, browsing for clothes with a full shopping bag already in hand; bittersweet chocolate so he could bake brownies. Maybe if he pretended he was going on vacation, it could be more fun.

He felt the material of a t-shirt absentmindedly. Briefly, he wondered if shopping would even be allowed at a boarding school. Although, he'd have to sacrifice a few things, he didn't mind for the most part - but the dancing was a big one. If he was sharing a room, when could he do it? Would he even be able to listen to music? And he wouldn't be able to go to dance classes anymore. It was a bit idiotic - he wasn't going to die or anything, but this was his last few days of freedom in a while. Not that he ever really been free with his dad constantly looming over his shoulder and criticising him.

"Ugh, that's not the point," Eren accidentally said aloud. A passerby in the store looked at him, clearly freaked out.

It was just so sudden - one day it was just a normal Wednesday and then the next it was Thursday and he was packing to go to a boarding school miles and miles away, leaving everything and everyone behind.

There wasn't even anything he wanted from the shops, he had no purpose being there. It didn't even matter. If only he'd had a nice, caring father, who didn't just see him as a letter on a piece of paper at the end of the school year. Or at least still had his mom. And it wasn't just that his dad didn't care, he was also weirdly overprotective - he wouldn't let him go out much or have fun in general. Of course Mikasa was allowed to enjoy herself, since she got straight As. Come to think of it, why did he care so much, why couldn't Mikasa just take over the clinic? It was so unfair and dumb, how he was--

"...um, excuse me? Sir?"

Suddenly brought out of his thoughts, Eren jumped and spun around, almost losing his balance.

"Are you going to purchase that?"

After staring blankly at the shop assistant for slightly too long, he looked down at the t-shirt which had become a crumpled mess in his hands. He was confused for a moment, then remembered where he was. Thoroughly embarrassed, Eren could feel his face heating up and gave the lady a pained smile. The t-shirt wasn't even that nice and highly overpriced, but Eren was too socially awkward to simply apologise and walk out, which was the reason he ended up paying fifty dollars for a plain black Calvin Klein tee.

Before Thursday night, the realisation hadn't properly hit him that he was basically restarting his life: new people, new place, new school - it was kind of nerve wracking. He had already texted his 'friends' (he used the term loosely, it was more dancing and school acquaintances) to say goodbye, with half-assed replies from some of them and a few mentions of meeting up. There wasn't really anything else to be done, other than pack and leave. Bitterly, he wondered if Mikasa would even say goodbye.

Knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, Eren stayed up until the early hours of the morning lying in a pile of clothes, staring at the ceiling; trying and failing to not to fall asleep on the hard wooden floor, music softly playing.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> *This isn't extremely similar, but I took inspiration from Handsome Devil.


	2. Dazed

He pulled the suitcase out from the car boot, dragging it towards the school entrance, then gave one last turn in his father's direction.

"You have my mobile number. If anything happens, you can call me. Otherwise, I hope this is a wake up call for you..."

Eren looked at his dad - at his long hair and glasses, expensive suit and irritated expression. It wasn't even crazy to think that they weren't going to see each other for a while, considering how he was always working anyway. He looked at his father, until he spoke again,

"No pun intended. Goodbye, son."

Eren watched wordlessly as his Dad rolled up the window of his black BMW then pulled out the parking lot and drove away. And that was it.

He pulled his blazer in tighter and pulled out a piece of gum from the pocket. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his reflection in a car window in the parking lot. Eren tried smoothing his forehead, to get rid of the lines in between his eyebrows. He mussed his hair a bit, then rubbed his eyes. The uniform felt like wearing a full suit.

As if on cue, a particularly hard gust of wind blew right into his face, forcing his eyes shut. Eren couldn't stop thinking about how tempted he was to just not show up - the thought of his father receiving that call from the school was wonderfully satisfying. Looking up at the huge reddish brown building, with its large bricks and turrets on either side, he had to admit that it looked quite beautiful. There was a main building and then two smaller buildings, adjacent on either side. The windows were completely symmetrical, with a large one above the grand door in the central building and then two on the front of the other buildings. From what he could see, there were three doors, but he headed towards the main building one, since it seemed like the right thing to do.

After walking on the perfectly trimmed grass to get to the school, he moved over to the path, lined with bushes on either side, and followed it until he was at the front entrance. Eren glanced around the small covered porch area, but didn't see anyone. Everything about it screamed money.

He was only mildly surprised to discover that he needed a code to enter the building. Looking up through the hazelnut strands of hair in his face with his fingers on the keypad, he spotted the reception. After pressing the button and waiting for a few seconds, a woman Eren asked his name. A short pause, then the door opened. He propped it open with his leg and twisted back to wheel over his suitcase.

Ten minutes later, a frazzled looking blonde woman with barely any eyebrows and a micro fringe showed up.

"My apologies for keeping you waiting!" she looked at the brown haired boy, "I completely lost track of time."

"I understand," Eren said.

"Well, I'm Miss Wakeford and I will be your housemistress for this term. You will already know which house you are in, I assume?"

The upward inflection of her voice made Eren feel extremely uncomfortable, so he just nodded and said nothing. She cleared her throat and pushed her short, slightly greying hair behind her ear, then began to speak again,

"So, the first thing I'll do is take you to the Burke building, so you can put your belongings in your dormitory..."

Eren nodded and began to tune her out, just following behind. They walked out of the building they were in, across the perfect lawn and towards the building on the right. It wasn't raining - in fact, the sun was shining, but the wind was almost unbearable. It was deceivingly cold. Looking outside through the window, he'd assumed that it was warmer. Sometimes, the reverse would be true as well. Eren could think of a lot of things that were like that; misleading.

When they got to the steps, he barely registered the teacher saying something about his suitcase and swiftly carried it up.

"and then we can...."

And he'd always had a bit of a problem with paying attention.

"for....won't take long..."

A bell went once, then again five minutes later, which was students going to class. Eren thought to himself that if the side buildings were where the dorms were, the main building must be the classrooms and wherever breakfast was eaten, because he didn't see many people walk between buildings - just the odd late person or staff member.

After typing in the key code again and walking down the empty grey corridor, they arrived at his dorm.

Eren was surprised, to say the least. The room was actually quite spacious, with a light laminated wood floor, white walls and pale wood furniture. There was a bed against either side of the wall; each side having its own wardrobe, that had built in drawers. Separating both beds was a desk, which was completely bare. It was in front of a large window that had a little perch, allowing light to flood in - looking out onto the school grounds and pitches, where he could see a group of boys playing rugby.

There was another desk on the right side, facing his roommate's bed and a door on Eren's side of the room which he assumed lead to a bathroom. He knew he'd be taking the left side, since the other side of the room had various personal belongings - granted, it wasn't much, just a few books on the other desk, neatly piled and a perfectly made bed with silk silver-y blue bedsheets.

"So, Eren," Miss Wakeford began and turned to face him,"about your roommate..."

Eren looked at her questioningly.

"We decided it was inconvenient for him to have his own room, since we have an even number now."

He wondered why it mattered.

"If he seems..." she paused at looked at her blouse, "...irritated that you're here, let me know and I'll talk to him."

There was an awkward pause and Eren just smiled at her. ' _Yeah, I won't be doing that'_ ' he thought. The tall blonde woman touched her forehead and then smoothed the front of her pale yellow shirt, whilst Eren stared at her blankly, trying to come up with something to say,

"Who is my roommate?" Eren glanced uncertainly to his right, at the sparsely decorated desk and litre water bottle which was next to a set of weights.

"Levi Ackerman. Nice boy. I'm sure it'll be fine."

Eren looked at Miss Wakeford and then once again over at the extremely tidy left side of the room. Staring at the colour coded notes on the desk, he couldn't help but think there might end up being a slight clash.

"I'll leave you with your timetable and let you unpack. Teachers will be expecting you after, so they shouldn't give you a hard time for being late. Breakfast is from 8:40-9:10 and classes start at 9:15. You can leave at weekends if you have to sign in and out, but be back by 10pm...."

a short, almost waiting pause and then the teacher continued,

"anyway, I'm sure you know this already. It's all written there on the timetable," she gestured at the bundle of papers she'd given him,"I've spoken long enough!"

With that, she left the room. He was on his own. And so it began.

* * *

The entire day, Eren had tried so hard to ignore the stares and whispers. A few people had introduced themselves, and he smiled and made small talk until the conversations naturally ended.

At lunch, Eren ate with a boy called Armin who he'd met during English class. The group he was with had asked him if he wanted to see the grounds and he just passively went along with it; he didn't really care to be educated on the rules, teachers and different groups within the school. He'd never really cared about popularity or anything like that.

But... of course, it just so happened that his roommate was the school's golden boy; straight As, good at rugby, model student.

It hadn't been self-pity or envy when Eren had wondered what that felt like. And whilst spending time with Armin had been nice, the blonde boy obviously had other friends who Eren assumed he'd be spending the weekend with. Probably the people he'd met - Sasha, Connie, Ymir and Christa.

So the lonely feeling started to kick in. Sitting alone on his bed, swinging his legs, he was unsure of what else to do. He'd finished unpacking and filling out the forms he was required to.

On Saturdays everyone had to do some kind of sport - the school didn't offer anything even close to dancing or gymnastics, so Eren had just ticked athletics. There had also been information about stuff like music competitions and debating club. They were allowed to leave school grounds if they signed in and out, but he had nowhere to go and no real friends.

He didn't feel like going for dinner, or sitting in the common room and meeting people.

Whilst hanging up his uniform in the empty wardrobe, his phone vibrated and he noticed he had a text from Armin, asking if he wanted to sit with them at dinner. Eren told the blonde boy that he wasn't hungry and wanted to be alone, but it was kind of him to ask. Briefly, he considered going down anyway, but the thought disappeared as quickly as it had formed. He didn't feel like it.

Walking over to the window behind the desk, he couldn't help but think it was a shame that the view was being obstructed, especially when there was a large windowsill to sit on. It was such a pretty view, as well; looking onto the fields behind the pitches, with a flowering cherry blossom tree whose branches touched the glass. He hadn't ever really seen a tree like that before. Eren had been staring at it for almost too long, transfixed with the way it moved and swayed with the wind. Sometimes the petals would fly around aimlessly, until they fell onto the grass three storeys beneath him.

Then after he'd showered and was lying in bed, startlingly early, visions of the day kept replaying in his head - of the people he'd met, classrooms and school grounds - yet, the one image he couldn't seem to shake was the sight of the tree which looked as though it was going to fall at any moment, but stayed firmly rooted to the ground.


	3. Rushed

When Eren woke up, there was no annoying step-mom calling from downstairs, no Mikasa knocking on the door, no alarm and no reminder on his phone to do his homework.

Just deafening silence and an empty room.

From where he was lying, the first thing he saw when he awoke was the door to get into the room, directly in front of him and the bathroom door to his right. Last night, he'd wanted to charge his phone using the plug near his desk in front of the window, but it was already full. He leaned across to the foot of his bed, so he could check his phone that he'd left on the floor the night before.

Shit.

Shitshitshit.

It was 9:30, athletics started at 9:10. He was twenty minutes late.

Hurriedly, Eren threw on a pair of black shorts and the sports shirt they were all supposed to wear, with the school insignia on it.

From looking outside the window, he could see a large group of boys sitting in a circle around one person, who he assumed was the teacher. There was a feeling of dread, when he remembered how annoying P.E. teachers usually were. At least athletics looked like a popular option, so there would probably be at least one decent person. Hopefully he'd be able to apologise and it would be fine, albeit a terrible first impression. He really didn't want another year like math last year where the teacher hated him from the start and made it hell.

The brunet brushed his teeth, grabbed some water and ran out of the room.

While fast walking to the pitches, he couldn't help but think it was a dick move for his roommate not to wake him up. It had been 24 hours and the dude was fucking nowhere to be seen. Then again, how was he to know that Eren did athletics? Maybe the different activities started at different times -- he could check the letter when he was back in the dorm. Or maybe that was a bad idea.

When he got there, he could feel about fifty kids staring at him, but didn't speed up any. Rather than ignoring them, he gave a general glance, recognising a couple faces. One of them was friends with Armin -- Connie, was it? He waved at Eren, which was a nice gesture, but then the teacher saw and turned around.

The teacher was tall, bald and had a horrible facial expression. He’d known he wouldn't have been able to just sneak in, anyway, but had hoped the older man would take it well.

"Where have you been, son?"

Eren made eye contact and pushed his hair back, "sorry I'm late."

There was an awkward silence and his expression faltered when he realised that it wouldn't fly.

"No. That's not what I asked."

Eren thought to himself that he hadn't answered a question anyway, but knew it was better to say nothing.

"Where have you been?" the teacher looked at him through narrowed eyes. The sun was shining brightly from behind him, and his body was slightly shadowed.

"Is that not pretty obvious?"

He dully registered someone gasping behind him. For almost a minute, it was painfully silent, except for the occasional noise coming from the school. Then the teacher spoke once more,

"Y'know, I was gonna go easy on you lads, since it's the start of term and all,"

The bald man gestured towards Eren without making eye contact, all angry eyes and harsh movements,

"but since Eren here wants to mess around,” the boy in question looked up upon hearing his name, mildly shocked, “how's about we just run laps?"

There were a few sounds of disapproval and some heavy sighs. The temperature was uncharacteristically high and the last thing anyone wanted to do was have their shirts stick to the sweat on their skin. He heard someone mutter “fucking Shadis” behind him.

To Eren, it was seemed that the teacher (Shadis, apparently) was just trying to make his peers dislike him and whilst that was a decent idea, it wouldn't work on him simply because he didn't care about being friends with his classmates, or popularity, or being liked. It wasn't as if he wanted to be at the school, what did it matter if they all judged him? When the students already all knew each other, it was unlikely that they'd massively welcome him in to any group and he'd long since come to terms with that fact. He was just trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

Besides, he'd always liked running.

Eren muttered under his breath.

"...what was that?"

The teacher looked at him, clear anger behind his eyes. His voice was calm but it was obvious that he was not a naturally patient man.

"Metres. How many metres is the track?" Eren asked, bending down slightly to stretch his hamstrings.

He could convince himself that he'd tried to sound respectful, but Eren wasn't a dishonest person. Even if he hadn't been late and the teacher hadn't been pissed off, he knew he wouldn't have liked him. He just had one of those personalities.

"400, why?"

Again, the coach looked at Eren through squinted eyes, clearly finding it difficult to keep his temper. Maybe he was trying to save face, or cut him some slack since it was his first time at athletics, but that wasn't exactly working when he'd already made clear his annoyance.

Eren stood up straight, slightly taller than the coach and answered his question,

"Just wanted to know," he said, walking backwards, tossing his water bottle near the edge of the track, “so I can pace myself.”

There was a cooling blast of wind, which mess made his shorts billow and his bed head even worse, if it was even possible. Shadis looked at him through narrowed eyes.

“Get going, then,” the teacher yelled so Eren could hear him, but not angrily, with an unreadable expression.

Then he just turned around before the man could say anything else, jogged onto the track and started running. He could hear groans in the distance, as some of the other students stood up. The teacher didn't shout after him, so he assumed it would be fine if he just ran laps by himself.

Which was what he did. And exercise felt good, because no matter where one went, always felt the same. Especially running, when he could get into a rhythm. He felt his expression scrunch up into one of simultaneous concentration and inattention.

Eren had always admired people who could do sums or write essays, but he found that he preferred expressing himself in the way he moved. There wasn't a study timetable, no double-checking – the boy just moved and if his body didn't work in the way he wanted it to, then he repeated it until eventually it did.

So he ran for hours and once it was done, he didn't look at anyone behind him or the coach, just went back to his dorm to wash off. Nobody made conversation with him the entire time, even people he’d briefly spoken to the day before and he avoided eye contact.

Or at least, that was the plan.

Showering was what he _would've_ done, had his roommate not finally decided to show his face. He typed the code, waited for the click, walked in then paused at the door when he saw a figure on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to set the scene more! Hope you enjoy.


	4. Shocked

Sitting on the bed on his phone, was Levi Ackerman. He looked slightly different than Eren had expected, but not that far off. Dark hair, pale skin, silvery blue eyes lined with dark circles (which made them pop more, in a weird emo way). His build was pretty muscular and broad, but he didn’t seem that tall, so it made sense that he'd be good at rugby. Eren knew that all the rugby players did athletics on Saturdays, and figured he was one of the people who was running.

The boy looked up slowly, their eyes meeting for the first time. His eyes when he looked up were heavy-lidded, as if he hadn’t slept properly, or maybe that was just how they were.

Realising that he probably hadn't made a great first impression in front of the school's golden boy, Eren decided it was a good idea to say nothing. Just grabbed a towel from the drawers on his side of the room and made his way to the bathroom.

At that, Levi stood up and walked towards him slowly.

"No."

He ignored it.

"No,"

Eren half-turned and looked back at the shorter boy incredulously. There was an awkward pause, but he didn't take his hand off the bathroom doorknob.

"No?" he asked.

"I'm going first."

At that, Eren laughed hollowly and turned around, pulling the door open, until his arm was suddenly halted in place. Was this a joke? It didn't seem like one. Of course it was just his luck that he'd be stuck with an asshole as a roommate. As if being where he was because his dad wanted rid of him wasn't punishment enough, the last person he'd see before sleeping and first person he'd wake up to was this prick.

"Get off me," refusing to face him, Eren harshly pulled the door open and walked into the bathroom, quickly ripping off his sweaty shirt and shorts. He didn't need to turn around to feel the other boy's presence behind him.

"What, you want a fucking show?" he asked angrily.

Eren turned around fully, almost wearing nothing with his arms outstretched, holding his clothes. He was so pissed off that all embarrassment had been thrown out the window.

Thinking that he'd made his point clear enough, he waited for Levi to leave. But no, of course he wouldn't do that; just walked straight past him, making zero eye contact, ripped off his clothes, underwear and all, then hopped in the shower.

Eren could feel his face burn hot and stared at the sink, hard. Unless he was going to shower with him, there wasn't anything else he could do besides wait. He sure as hell wasn't about to walk all the way back to the sports building and use the communal showers.

Pissed off as all hell and blushing furiously, Eren turned around to leave. Right as he was about to close the door, he paused, wanting to cuss out his new roommate and ask why he couldn't just use the sports building showers, especially when Levi wasn't new or anything, but bit his tongue. It wasn't worth it – he had to pick his battles wisely.

He went back into the room, over to his desk and flicked through the pile of papers, until he found what he was looking for. No, yeah, every activity started at either 9:10 or earlier. So his roommate had just chosen not to wake up, or check. For some reason, he was irrationally angry, despite knowing that it was no one else’s responsibility to wake him. It just felt like common courtesy. Besides, would it hurt for him not to act like such a…

What was the word…?

"Prick," Eren muttered under his breath.

_"What's that?"_

Eren snapped his head up, making eye contact with his roommate. That was fast. He tried to quickly weigh up the pros and cons of arguing but they were already on bad terms, so what difference would it make.

"You didn’t wake me up,” the brunet said, avoiding looking at his roommate's bare chest and pointing at the sheets of paper, as if Levi would magically understand what it meant. When he looked up, he saw slight surprise behind his eyes, but it was gone almost immediately. The micro-expressions reminded him of Mikasa, sort of.

"And I’m supposed to know you had it this week?"

Levi walked over to his bed, to the clothes he'd already laid out. His side of the room was still perfectly tidy, which was ironic considering Eren's looked like a bomb shelter and it had barely been a day.

He knew that what he was annoyed about was a matter of principle. Often, he would get irritated over things that he knew were completely fair to him, but at the same time weren’t justifiable to some people.

Eren spoke again, "you could've asked."

Levi had a strange, dangerous aura; it was as if he wasn’t used to people talking back to him.

"It's nothing to do with me."

"I would've done that for somebody else," Eren looked out the window,

"Good for you. I wouldn’t."

Eren didn’t skip a beat,

“...clearly."

Throwing on a shirt, Levi spoke after a brief pause, “and you’d let someone else use the shower first, too?”

“Not waking me up is...mean,” Eren said, all knitted brows and flashing eyes. He could feel his face heating, “but the shower thing was just selfish.”

“So why isn’t it selfish if you were to use the shower first?”

“Because...I went to use it FIRST,” Eren said with a scowl.

It seemed hilarious that even when after he’d left home to escape whatever mess it was, everything still sucked. There was literally no silver lining. The school was cold and unwelcoming, just like his roommate. Why was it so difficult for him to understand?

“Jesus, calm down.”

At that, Eren could feel his face heating even more. He clenched then unclenched his fists.

Even if he was going to shower, the point was that he _didn’t,_ so Eren was well within his right to use it. Just because he was new, he wasn’t going to let some prick walk all over him. The whole argument felt so stupid, but there was no way he’d back down, when he had done nothing wrong. Whoever had used the shower first didn’t even matter to him, really, it was just the fact that he was being so unnecessarily wooden.

Scoffing, Eren grabbed his phone and some money, then walked out the door. He had no idea where he was going. Seconds before the door clicked shut, he heard a quiet yet controlled voice,

"Grow up."

“…”

The amount of effort it took not to throw the door back open and yell in his Levi’s face was concerning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tumblr it's @scummery so if any of you wanna chat hmu!! I like sharing ideas/thoughts


	5. Changed

Weeks had passed.

Life had continued as normal, and nothing had happened with his roommate since. Which was why, when he thought he heard his name, he assumed it was just his mind playing tricks.

It was quiet. So quiet in fact, that he wasn't sure if he'd even heard it in the first place. The room was so dark that every sound was amplified and every breath became loud suddenly. Then he heard it again and instantly knew. 

_"Jaeger."_

Knowing that he wouldn't be able to see anything anyway, the boy in question turned to his side, facing the darkness. He wasn’t one to ignore people, anyway. In most situations, his turning to the side would be a cue for someone to continue, but in this case they couldn't see each other, so he had to verbalise it. 

The silence felt heavy but not necessarily uncomfortable. 

"Yeah?" he replied. 

Briefly, he wondered what this could be. Neither of them had tried to initiate conversation (well, not since what Eren mentally referred to as Showergate) and it was an unspoken rule that they would not cross paths with each other. Eren had even gone so far as to avoid using his own room, spending whatever spare time he had with Armin and his friends, or on the roof. He’d told them about the shower situation and they said it made sense, since he was used to getting things his own way. Even when he used the bathroom, he would go in and out as quickly as possible. Not to mention, since they both were so stubborn, they hadn't apologised or even make eye contact for days, so Levi talking to him... felt weird.

"Did you check your phone?" 

Well, that was not what he had expected. His _phone_?

"I...what?" Eren asked, sounding completely confused. He heard his roommate sigh from across the room. 

"It was going off non-stop while you were brushing your teeth," Levi paused, "fucking irritating. Thought I should tell you."

Wordlessly, Eren stood up and pulled his phone out from where it was charging. The screen was so bright that he had to squint when he looked at it, as it lit up the room. He muttered a thanks to Levi, in a daze.  

 **3 MISSED CALLS  
** **DAD**

Unsure of what to do, Eren stood up to leave the room, then remembered that they technically weren't supposed to after 12 a.m. and it was well past midnight. Phoning his dad in the hallway would be one thing, but he didn't want to wake up multiple people and leaving the entire building wasn't an option. He felt slightly panicky at the thought of talking to his dad about whatever was clearly a pressing issue, but didn't want to show it. 

* * *

As it would turn out, on the phone in the bathroom was when Eren found out, from his father, the big news.

Mikasa had been accepted for med school. Of course he was happy for her – elated, even. It was a competitive course and something she'd been working towards for years and completely deserved; hours of studying, spending time in nursing homes, doing sports. The list was endless. She had truly wanted it so badly.

But whilst congratulating his sister, with a grin on his face, saying how happy he was down the phone, the realisation hit him. It hit him so hard that he interrupted himself mid-sentence,

"an-- wait...so," his grip on the sink tightened, "she'll...she'll take over the clinic, then?"

The hesitation in Eren's voice, before his father had even responded, was very telling of the answer which he already knew. Of course Mikasa wouldn't take over the clinic, that was never the plan; it had to be Eren, his 'blood'. That was why he was at the stupid boarding school in the first place, why his grades mattered and he wasn’t allowed to join a sports school, why it was all so fucked up. 

There were so many elements to it – Mikasa working so hard yet not being fully accepted, Eren being condemned to a life which he did not want, yet she did and couldn't have. How much his dad truly didn't give a fuck, no matter what he'd tried to tell himself for years. The situation was _so_ fucked up, in fact, that he couldn't bear to hear his father's voice anymore.

Slumped on the ground, leaning against the bath with his face in his hands, Eren tried not to breathe too loudly. Grisha's voice was an unintelligible buzz coming from the phone, which Eren couldn't be bothered to address any longer, hanging up the call without so much as a goodbye. 

He tried to hold it back – hold back all of the emotion he had felt the past week, but his head was starting to throb from the effort and his throat felt tight. Finally, hot tears escaped, pouring in a steady stream down his face. There was nothing pretty about it, or fun; it was just how crying was, although Eren had almost forgotten what it felt like. Yes, he struggled to keep his temper in check, but being sad was completely different. Whenever he was upset, truly upset and not angry (which was rare), all he ever felt was an overwhelming urge to hug his mom, or see her one last time again. 

All of his jumbled thoughts came to a halt, when he heard a muffled voice from the other side of the door. 

"Oi... Jaeger."

He looked up towards the sound, startled. Before he spoke, he reached over to blow his nose and splash cold water on his face. Then, he sat back down on the floor, leaning against the sink.

"Don't do that," Levi said. 

Dealing with two emotionally unavailable assholes one after the other was the last thing Eren wanted to do in that moment. Face still dripping, he opened his mouth to cuss the other boy out, until he was interrupted. 

Levi's voice was almost, _almost_ soft. 

"Don't cry like that."

His roommate grunted as he wiped the floor, grabbed a hoodie then sat down on top of it against the door. He quietly muttered something that sounded like ‘disgusting’.

“I’m trying to sleep.” 

It was strange how the boy was such a prick, making it sound like he only cared because it was waking him up, yet for some bizarre reason the whole thing helped, as if they both saw it for what it was. God, he felt emotionally depraved. 

“Sorry,” Eren muttered, lacking the energy to argue back. 

Both boys were silent for a few moments. 

“I’m...I hate it here,” Eren drew swirls with water that had fallen on the tiles, “I don’t want to be here.” 

“Don’t think anyone does, dude.” 

“Why are you talking to me anyway?” Eren asked suspiciously. 

“Your sobbing was pretty loud.” 

At that, Eren felt his skin burn, down to his chest and across his ears, as he tried to stutter some form of reply.

Impulsively, he stood up and knocked on the bathroom door. Levi groaned and shifted to the side, so that his roommate could sit next to him once he’d opened the door. 

The room was pitch black, save for a very small amount of light filtering through the gaps in the blinds, which weren’t shut properly. With the desk and centre of the room slightly illuminated, it almost felt calm. 

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“’s cool. Stop apologising.”

They sat like that for minutes, or hours, even. Eren lost track. He held his hands in his face, with his knees bent, just breathing in and out. It was kind of ironic how the only other person who’d ever seen him cry was _Levi Ackerman._ He snorted under his breath.

“What’s funny,” Levi asked, so deadpan that it barely even sounded like a question.

Eren was unsure as to whether or not he should tell the truth, but figured he’d already embarrassed himself enough that it made no difference.

“Just thinking it’s funny that you’ve seen me cry and nobody else has,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. He played with the zip on the hoodie the other boy sat on.

“I didn’t see you, I heard you,” Levi said.

The brunet just continued to zip up and down for nothing, “god, could you embarrass me a little less?”

“Didn’t say shit.”

There was a comfortable silence, as they sat in the dark. Eren felt his face grow hot for the millionth time that night “you know you don’t have to be so…rude.”                       

Levi looked up, then when they made eye contact he leaned back a little, not realising how close they were until that moment. He cleared this throat then stood up,

“Night.”


	6. Softened

Things became better after that, for some reason. Sure, he still hated being at the boarding school, but being on decent terms with his roommate was one less thing to worry about. It turned out that Shadis didn’t actually hate him, in fact, he’d asked him and a couple other boys if they wanted to start training for the cross country and Eren had eagerly said yes, making some friends in the process. He had stopped alienating himself from everyone so much and went out with Armin and his friends during the weekends or free time, and if he wasn’t out with them he’d go for runs on the track. Mass and the constant assemblies were always annoying, but weirdly, less so.

Which was probably why it sucked even more that exams were approaching.

If he studied hard enough, he could probably do decent in all of his subjects (even science) but there was something about math… he just couldn’t do, no matter how determined he felt. The numbers confused him, the rules; everything about it just didn’t work with his brain and the longer he put it off and didn’t look at it, the worse it was getting. There were only a few weeks left until exams and he had no clue what to do.

That was, until he left his textbook on his desk, then had to trek all the way back to his room from the library, which was in a separate building.

He opened the door and was instantly met with the sound of music playing from Levi’s speakers. Saying nothing, he just grabbed the textbook and left.

But then, after cross country practice a few days later, he caught himself hovering over his roommate’s desk, staring at the perfect notes and all the red ticks, felt envy bubbling from deep within his chest, hot and twisting; it wasn’t even like he could be proud. And that was an awful feeling, because Eren had never been one to self-pity, but rather, always tried to improve himself.

A droplet of water from his wet hair splashed onto a page, smudging the ink. Shit, why hadn’t he at least towel dried it? Eren cursed under his breath.

“Ahem.”

Startled, Eren spun around on his heels. He hadn’t even realised when Levi walked in, slowly advancing towards him. His tie was already off, shirt loosened and unbuttoned pretty far down.

“I was just looking at your stuff,” Eren said defensively, internally questioning his wording. He patiently waited for a response which didn’t come, “you’re… that’s okay, right?”

“It’s fine.”

At that which he took as confirmation, he to flit through the pages, staring in awe at rows upon rows of perfect sums and calculations. Eren recognised some of the work sheets were similar to the ones he’d been given, yet couldn’t do, of course.

“How are you so good at it?”

Levi narrowed his eyes and shrugged, as if it was nothing. Then again, it probably was for him.

Before his mind could catch up to his mouth, Eren had thought of something that he needed to say, even if he regretted it.

“Look, I mean I know this is random but like…” Eren looked up, then immediately wished he hadn’t when he caught the other boy stripping off his shirt.

For some reason, it felt different from Showergate. Levi was all hard abs and muscle and it made him feel perverted for looking. They always got changed at different times, and if they were both getting dressed Eren used the bathroom. But in that moment, he was already just wearing a towel, so it felt slightly bizarre that they were both undressed. He averted his eyes.

“Could you maybe…help me? With like, the work—just math though!! I mean,”

_God, what the fuck?_

Eren cleared his throat, completely mortified. He wasn’t usually one to ask for help, but this was a special case. If he failed his final exams, fuck knows what would happen to him, and his dad had already proven that he wasn’t messing around. Luckily these were just mocks, but he knew he basically had to undo 10 years of not understanding and it would take time.

“Sorry, basically what I’m trying to say is, exams are kinda soon and I just thought…I mean, I don’t know, everyone just always says you’re the best at math and you’re always top of the year so like…“

Levi looked up from where he was hanging up his uniform, grey eyes piercing from behind his arms, “what’s in it for me?”

“I’m– what?”

For a brief moment, Eren was reminded that his roommate was technically one of the ‘cool kids’, even though it didn’t really count for much in boarding school. All of the lines were blurred when it felt like he and everything around him was on a deserted island, away from civilisation. And he found it interesting how Levi didn’t care about popularity or anything like that, but had just naturally found himself in that group, by being smart, athletic and good looking.

“You’d really consider it?”

“Depends what I gain from this.”

“I mean, what do you want?” the brunet closed the jotters and put the pages back properly, “I’d do pretty much anything if you can help me improve my grade.”

Levi paused and looked at him strangely, “well, what are you sitting on right now?”

“Like… a D? I get… like…8/20 in the homeworks.”

He stared down at the smooth wood of the desk.

“I’ll think about it,” Levi took slow, calculated steps towards the window. When he arrived at Eren’s notes, all messy and scattered across the desk, he picked up a random sheet with red crosses littered across the front.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Levi continued, “but you have to do whatever I say, when I decide what I want. Within reason, obviously.”

“You’re not going to ask me to jump off a bridge or something?”

“Depends.”

Eren self-consciously pulled the towel up higher, feeling wary.

“No, I’m being serious. What kind of thing were you thinking? Making me switch rooms or something?”

“I get to decide what it is,” Levi’s voice was quiet, but smooth, “ _if_ and _when_ your grade improves.”

“I…yes. Alright, yeah.”

It felt odd, making a deal with someone who he’d wanted nothing more than to punch just a few weeks ago. Although if it helped, he didn’t really care. There wasn’t really anyone else he could ask; Armin was good at subjects that were already manageable and he wasn’t close enough with anyone else to ask. So… Levi it was.

* * *

Usually, Eren studied in the library and that was that. It was large and grand, with a spiralling wooden staircase and shelves of books, magazines, comics: everything imaginable. There was an exact desk he sat at, with Armin, Connie, Sasha and a couple others – right at the back, window to their right so that the natural light could illuminate their work properly.

Never, _once,_ had he seen his roommate use the library.

So when said boy entered through the wide double doors, wearing sweats and a t-shirt, Eren was wholly confused. Even more confusing was the fact that he had a textbook under his arm, holding a single mechanical pencil and was steadily walking towards where he and his friends sat, in a pretty secluded area. Eren looked up incredulously upon hearing his name (or, surname).

It was interesting how, despite being ‘popular’, Levi looked completely out of place in that moment, as if he was somewhere he shouldn’t have been. Vaguely, he heard someone call his roommate’s name behind him, which he pointedly ignored.

“Did you want help?”

Scooting over so that Levi could fit a chair on the end of the table, Eren hummed, “here?”

There was a long enough pause that Eren stopped what he was doing to look up questioningly.

“No, we sit at a different desk. Alone.”

 _Alone?_ And the way he’d said it…

Startled, Eren made eye contact with Armin across the table, whose eyebrows were raised behind his hair, sparkling blue eyes widened in shock. Sasha snorted a little.

“I…uhh…sure thing.”

He stood up, packing his jotters and textbooks up, then filling his pencil case. The whole thing seemed a bit off, but he didn’t want to verbalise it. Maybe Levi had finally decided that he wanted shower first privileges for the year, or for Eren to fold his clothes and clean the room, which had given him incentive.

Once they had sat down, everything felt awkward all of a sudden.

Levi cleared his throat, setting everything out properly, then, “how do you want to do this?”

The brunet turned his head, with his arm bent at the elbow, leaning on the desk. He leant on his hand and frowned.

“I don’t mind.”

“…”

“Alright, well, I looked at your shit while you were gone and you really suck,”

“What the fuck, Levi.”

“But you suck especially bad at differentiation and integration, so I’ll teach you that.”

...

They sat for two hours, practicing over and over again until Eren finally stopped dropping signs and adding indices instead of multiplying them, then repeated it again on Wednesday Thursday and Friday (but in the dorm, because Levi liked his weird rock music) then _again_ the week after that, with different topics. And each time, with a satisfied sort of grunt, he’d lean back, dropping the pencil and muttering a: “not bad,” or a “that’s enough”. And Eren would smile behind his hand, hoping that his mouth was fully covered (it never was) and his roommate couldn’t see (he always could).

Slowly but surely, things were starting to make more sense.

Sitting at his desk, squinting over a particularly hard question, Eren wished his slave-driver roommate hadn’t shut the blinds, so that he could just stare outside of the window. There wouldn’t be much light, since it was almost midnight, but it felt like the perfect moment, if he could just reach forward and pull them up a bit…

“No.”

 _For fuck’s sakes,_ Eren thought. He turned his head to his right, where Levi was lying on his bed, scrolling through his phone; he held it in a bizarre way, gripping it at the top in his thumb and index finger, scrolling with his other hand. If Eren leaned forward enough, he’d be able to see what the other boy was looking at.

Dramatically throwing his head on the desk, Eren groaned.

“Can you help?”

Despite looking extremely reluctant, Levi set his phone down and got up with a sigh, leaning over to peer at the paper. Eren could feel his soft breath, hot on his neck and on instinct, his shoulder jolted into his ear.

“Get up so I can sit,” Levi so much as commanded, rolling his eyes.

It was an unspoken rule now that Levi would get to use the chair while explaining the questions and Eren would sit on the ground, bent at the knee, leaning his arms on the table. He propped his head into the crook of his elbow, looking up.

“Remember what I explained to you about…”

Yeah, Eren _definitely_ had a bit of a problem with paying attention. Especially when it was just so boring, and Levi looked a little different than usual. His hair was mussed, steely grey ring of his eyes barely visible behind his slightly dilated pupils.

“…wrong formula, it’s not the sine rule…”

And Levi usually slept early, so the light was off, but it was especially hard to focus when Eren remembered how he’d walked in on him earlier, with his body under the covers and his it looked a little strange—

“Oi.”

Eren snapped his head up in shock, “YES!”

“What the fuck?” Levi rubbed at his face in exasperation, “did you listen to anything I just said?”

“I’m… just so tired,” he whispered, about to continue until Levi’s firm voice cut through whatever he was going to say.

“Look. Go to bed.”

And Eren wanted to fight back, or say something, but after muttering that the homework was due tomorrow and receiving no response, he didn’t have it in him to argue.

“Just sleep.”

So he did.

* * *

But when he woke up to the quiet room, there was a feeling of dread. After breakfast, Eren all of the sheets in his back without so much as a second glance and left the dorm. The entire time, he was worrying about how he was going to explain why he hadn’t done the work when he got to class. His teacher was nice enough, pretty young and inexperienced, so it wasn’t even that he was nervous about telling her; the whole thing just felt wrong, it wasn’t like him.

So when he took out his jotter, mentally preparing for what he was going to say, the _last_ thing he expected was—

_Wait, what?_

The homework wasn’t half completed. Actually, it was finished. But he hadn’t done it. That meant it must’ve been…

And Jesus Christ, _Levi had even gone to the effort of making it look fake messy._

Eren didn’t know what to do. All he could do in that moment was focus on not spontaneously combusting from how hot his face felt. Then for the entire rest of the lesson, he felt like a robot, all jerky movements and stiffness, to the point where the girl next to him asked if he was feeling okay because he seemed ‘a little off’.

But he wasn’t really okay, not when his heart was beating way too fast and he couldn’t stop scrunching his eyes, with his fists balled tightly and ears burning.

It felt like…a _secret_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)


	7. Removed

And ever since Levi finished his homework for him like that, something had changed. Something like a shift, but so subtle. If he didn’t think about it, he’d never notice it.

Despite never being able to bring himself to say even a simple “thank you,” Eren had understood what it had meant for them: a truce. He’d never imagined when he’d first joined the boarding school and met his roommate that they’d be on alright terms eventually, but it had happened.

Which was why Eren had no fucking clue what to do.

Because…there had been an incident.

Not like the homework, or the library, or the shower or any of that bullshit. Something fucking bad.

Twenty four hours hadn’t even passed — thinking back to yesterday, he wanted to scream.

* * *

It hadn’t been that bad of a day, but he’d felt like shit. Most Saturdays were pretty boring, yet he didn’t even have an excuse on that particular day, since the sun was shining, warming his skin and the air felt calming.

The town centre was only around a twenty-minute walk, but it still felt like a small country town – nothing like the big city Eren had grown up in. It had basic necessities and some quaint shops, but nothing massive. The whole place just felt entirely isolated from society, like a maximum security prison.

On that particular day, he’d agreed to go out with his friends, because Armin had to post a card and gift for his grandfather’s birthday. While they were eating, the topic of families had come up and Eren had just awkwardly sat in the restaurant, pulling at a hoodie string.

He wasn’t trying to be a stick in the mud, but for some reason just didn’t feel great.

Musing over the past few days, he couldn’t think of anything that could explain the magnitude of uncomfortable feelings in his chest. Mock exams were over, so now he just had to prepare for a few months until the big ones. Absentmindedly, he wondered if maybe he was just antsy about what his results would be, since he hadn’t gotten any of his papers back.

“Anyway,” Armin said, sensing the awkwardness emanating from the brown haired boy, “shall we talk about something else?”

Connie nodded,

“Yeah.”

The restaurant wasn’t particularly busy, but something about it felt stifling to Eren. People were talking in hushed tones, muttering over the quiet buzz, yet the atmosphere felt loud, far too loud — as if it was a club or bar.

Tapping her fingers on the table, Sasha spoke up,

“How’s Levi?”

Upon hearing his roommate’s name, Eren nearly choked on his drink.

He didn’t understand the question.

“He’s...fine?”

Things were slightly better between them and the Homework Incident (that was what they’d been calling it) had been nice enough, but his and Levi’s…friendship – if that was even the right word – wasn’t a big deal. Definitely not a big enough deal to bring up.

Eren wanted to feel annoyed at his friends for laughing and mocking him, but admittedly found it funny when they put on a deep voice and impersonated Levi saying they’d sit ‘alone’, or mentioned the Homework Incident. He tried to hide his smile and Armin must have felt sorry for him, because he tapped his fingers on the table and spoke,

“They’re just being immature because they’ve never seen Levi treat anyone like that before.”

Eren scoffed, “like what?”

Sasha spoke around a mouthful of food, “like… soft.”

Soft?

“I don’t understand…”

His roommate wasn’t even nice to him: never said good morning or good night, didn’t really engage with him at all unless it was to help him with his studies or to tell him to clean up after himself.

And why did they care, anyway? It meant nothing to any of them; they barely even knew him.

“I don’t think he likes me at all. Feels sorry, maybe.” Eren said.

“…”

There was a silence that lasted slightly too long for it to be comfortable. As if at once, everyone tried to talk again and the conversation naturally moved to other topics: things like work, sports (they asked Eren about cross country), music and school gossip, but it all felt empty.

…

They left the restaurant and walked around town, enjoying the sunshine. The entire time, though, Eren just felt off. It wasn’t necessarily an awful feeling, almost robotic or numb; there was something nagging at him.

“Guys,” Eren spoke for the first time in a while, “do you mind if I just go back to school?”

Taken aback, nobody spoke for a few seconds, until they all rushed at once to assure him that, “of course, it was okay”, and he’d “seemed off anyway”.

So he went home.

Kicking the stones under his feet, Eren tried not to feel too guilty about ditching everyone. Surely it was better to leave them alone and go home, than to walk around with them and dampen their moods.

‘Home,’ he thought, shivering as large clouds covered the sun, shading the light and warmth.

He used the word loosely when referring to the boarding school. Could it really be considered his home? Temporary home, maybe.

But if not there, then where? That mansion in the city, owned by his vapid father, which felt colorless?

As clichéd as it was, to him, home was more of a feeling. Home was laughing. Feeling safe. Even crying. It wasn’t material, but it was as if he could reach out and shatter the illusion if he stretched too far. A feeling that he was lacking.

Before he’d even had a chance to notice, it was pouring with rain.

Despite being sunny less than an hour ago, heavy droplets of rain were falling from the sky at an alarming rate, splashing on the ground, on his face, in his eyes. Eren cussed under his breath, knowing he still had a ways to walk and his hoodie was going to get soaked.

“Jaeger.”

Startled, the brunet looked up.

“…”

Of course it was him.

Could he catch a fucking break?

Even worse for Eren though, was the fact that he had company, and they had no mutual friends, whatsoever, which meant that he either didn’t like the people or didn’t know them. He recognised one of the boys from the cross country team, Jean, who he’d gotten in an argument with before, but he didn’t know the tall, blond boy by name, just knew that he was popular and friends with Levi. Pulling at his hoodie strings, Eren lowered his head and tried to keep walking, but was stilled in place by a firm grip on his arm.

“What are you doing out in the rain by yourself?”

Eren snapped his head up, hoodie falling from his head.

“What the heck, let me go,” he attempted to pull his arm back, but Levi’s grip was firm. Within seconds, Eren’s hair was drenched and he had to push it back with his other hand.

Why did Levi even care? Why didn’t he just keep walking and pretend not to see?

It was probably just because he was in front of his friends and wanted to look nice. As if he truly gave a shit — the only somewhat considerate thing he’d ever done was his homework and even then, Eren knew that he was the type of person who had to finish everything he started. Sure, he joked around with his friends about it, but Eren hadn’t really thought much of it. Levi enjoyed doing calculations, anyway.

It was at that moment when Eren’s train of thought was interrupted, as Jean decided to chime in.

“Seriously dude, the fuck is your problem?”

Nobody said anything, just stared at the angry boy. Jean continued, “he’s just being nice,” then turned to face Levi, “why do you even bother with him, like, what?”

“…”

Eren frowned and took the opportunity to pull his arm away, while Levi was caught off guard slightly.

Jean spoke again, “fucking pathetic.”

Turning to leave, Eren’s eyes glowed with something akin to rage when Jean tried to grab at him.

The feeling was overwhelming.

Something just switched on.

There had only been two other times when Eren had felt like this in his life, which he could remember vividly — the first time was when they were kids, and Mikasa had gone missing; the second time, he’d witnessed his father lay a hand on his mom, staring in horror through the crack in the door hinge, from where he’d heard the yelling.

Sure, he’d been in a fair few fights, but this was different: something wholly unpleasant, a squirming, sick feeling as hot anger coursed through his body, everything tinged with red. And in hindsight, the situation hadn’t called for it, wasn’t nearly as bad as the other times, but for some unknown reason, he just snapped. Whatever seal had been holding him back for months was broken, all because of a few simple words from an obnoxious, but not inherently evil boy at his school, and in a flash, he was everywhere at once, kicking him to the ground, kneeing him in the stomach, punching whatever he could get his hands on.

Except, it never actually happened.

Because he’d felt a strong arm grab at him, jolting him backwards before he could do anything.

Levi had pulled him back by the neck of his hoodie just in time; they both watched as his knee shot up with such force that the air around it vibrated with him, as he punched at nothing, before he realised what was happening.

Had he beaten up Jean, he would’ve been expelled, sent back home, all of his hard work would’ve been for nothing, his first ever friend group that he was finally, finally starting to feel comfortable around — it would’ve all shattered around him, with every hit, every blow, would’ve all come crashing down.

But none of those things happened, because someone had stopped him, and he’d never had anyone stop him like that before.

“We’re going. Come on, Eren.”

In a daze, Eren let himself be pulled by the neck for the second time, to wherever they were going.

If anyone had any thoughts, they weren’t voiced.

* * *

They walked in the rain for ten minutes, not a single word.

Abruptly, Levi stopped, turned to look at the taller boy, eyes piercing.

“Don’t you ever do that shit again, you hear?”

Startled, Eren just nodded.

“You were about to kill him.”

’As if,’ Eren thought.

He huffed out a breath, “w-what?? No, I—“

“I’ve seen anger like that before. It’s not normal.”

He wanted to deny it so badly, indignantly yell in his roommate’s face about how much of a prick he was, how he was overreacting…but he just couldn’t. Deep down, he knew Levi was right, as usual.

After a few minutes, Eren whispered a quiet “I know.”

He stopped walking to lean against the wall under the perch of a building, to shield him from the rain, which had died down considerably. Slowly, he slid and kept on sliding until he was sitting fully, knees bent and face in his thighs.

The rain had left his clothing wet and every time the wind blew heavily he’d shudder from the cold.

Levi kneeled next to him, not touching the ground. It reminded him of that night, on the phone with his dad weeks ago, when he’d first started to realise that his roommate wasn’t the devil incarnate.

“You’re alright.”

Upon hearing his voice, Eren slowly looked up, staring hard: staring at Levi’s grey blue eyes, how they shone so brightly against the darkness of his lashes and dark circles, his bone structure, all high cheekbones and sharp angles, the strong slope of his nose; staring at his lips and cheeks, slightly red from the weather; staring at his arms, how strong they were, his shoulders, legs, chest — just everything.

It was unfair. All so unfair.

“You’ll be fine.”

And he’d never been one to remember dates or isolated events, but he remembered that incident extremely well. He remembered it vividly, because that was the exact moment, staring with eyes half-lidded at Levi’s lips in the freezing cold, wrapping his arms around himself, when he realised that his feelings for his roommate weren’t normal.

Levi stood up, brushing his legs.

They walked home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 thank you so much for any support, whether that’s kudos, comments, bookmarks, etc.


	8. Concerned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys -- I originally posted this last night, but then wanted to change certain parts. If you got a notification that it was posted and then when you went to check it had been taken down, I'm super sorry! Just wanted to make sure that it came across how I wanted it to.

Back in the room, it was quieter than usual.

No arguments about how Levi was going to shower first, or how Eren hadn’t made his bed, or hung up his uniform, or filled out some stupid form that he didn’t care to read properly, or about how much noise he was making.

From the shower, Eren could hear Levi’s music playing through the speakers. At first, he’d hated his music taste, all moody vocals, heavy drums and loud guitar riffs, but it had grown on him slowly. Kind of like his roommate in general; gone were the days when his presence alone made him frustrated. Back then, Levi could so much as tap his fingers on a desk and it would make Eren want to yell at him.

He scrubbed at his head too harshly, rinsed his body in a rough way. It wasn’t that he was angry, or sad, but the realisation he’d come to earlier had left him feeling nauseous.

“ _Fuck_.”

Saying something was out of the question. Just a total no-go. There was a less than one percent chance that confessing his feelings would end well and he wasn’t going to jeopardise a friendship that was only just blossoming. Besides, what even were his feelings? Maybe he was just confused, especially after what had happened earlier. Everything was taut, so high strung. If anyone tried anything, even small, he knew he’d snap.

The shower was short. Whilst throwing on some shorts and a t-shirt, Eren had been mentally rehearsing what he was going to say when he entered the room, something like a ‘ _hey’_ or a ‘ _what’s up_ ’, try and brush it off like nothing had happened earlier.

But when he saw Levi sitting on his bed playing the guitar, Eren froze.

He inhaled sharply.

Levi’s fingers were deft and quick, zero hesitation as he strummed along to one of the songs he always played, one that Eren vaguely recognised. He looked up and suddenly the taller boy had forgotten how to breathe. He tried to speak,

“Um, I want—”

It felt like something got stuck in his throat. Eren coughed behind his hand, then slammed his arm back down to his side.

“The, uhh…”

Levi just stared, completely oblivious to Eren’s internal screaming.

“What I want to say is,”

Eren frowned,

“I think you were right.”

He stared straight at Levi, waiting for something to happen. Minutes passed, his roommate said nothing, just continued strumming. With every second he didn’t respond, Eren could feel himself growing more restless.

Finally, Levi sighed and put the guitar down. It made a noise as the strings vibrated slightly.

“Of course I’m right. Losing your temper like that is not normal.”

Something had felt off the entire time, but Eren had only just noticed: the room was a _mess_. Or Levi’s side, at least, which was weird considering he’d never seen it less than spotless. Folders were thrown across the floor, the desk was haphazard and his bed hadn’t even been made.

“It’s pretty normal to get mad when you’re provoked.”

Maybe he’d tidy up for him as a thank you for holding him back from beating Jean’s ass.

“Not _that_ angry.”

“So…you’re defending him?”

“I’m not doing shit,” Levi stood up, “move. I need to shower since your highness decided to barge in first.”

“Wait, Levi!”

Besides, since when was he an authority on what was right or wrong?

Eren had called out just in time to watch as his roommate turned, leaning against the doorframe. He folded his arm against the wood, then dropped his head on it harshly. And maybe it was just because he hadn’t slept much the night before, or had been busy, or whatever the fuck else it could’ve been, but Eren noticed, despite not being once to notice things usually.

“I didn't mean it like that. You don’t have to pick a side.”

Levi looked fucking _exhausted_.

His eyes had a natural shadow around them, which had never appeared uncharacteristic, but this was different. They were sunken and bleary, even. Levi showing even slight weakness was bizarre enough, so him covering his face like that, with his room messy, eyes red; the entire atmosphere was stifling. He couldn’t keep quiet.

“Are you…”

He raised his eyebrows ever so slightly. If he blinked, Eren would’ve missed it.

“Are you okay?”

Maybe he’d just imagined it, maybe this was all just in Eren’s head – but it felt like the bathroom door had _slammed_ shut, far harder than the usual click of the handle.

* * *

“Wait, you mean he physically grabbed you and wouldn’t let you go?”

Eren looked down, avoiding eye contact with his blond friend. He knew he was pretty picky when it came to food, but the school’s lasagne genuinely looked like it had been run over by a bus, thrown in a blender then slapped on a plate.

“Yeah.”

“That’s not okay?”

“I mean I don’t think it was like that. I was randomly out in the rain by myself near town. Must’ve looked pretty freaky.”

“He still shouldn’t be grabbing you like that,” Armin tapped his fingers one by one, “to be fair though, at least he held you back from letting loose on Jean.”

Unsure of what to say, Eren just fiddled with the straw in his cup.

“End justifies the means and all that…” the blond snorted.

“Wait, shit,” Armin said in an urgent tone, causing his friend to look up quickly from leaning down over his drink, “don’t look but Hamilton’s giving you death stares from the teacher table.”

Without thinking, Eren half turned until he was stopped by Armin, who was trying not to laugh, “you’re such an idiot. I said _don’t look_.”

“Why’s she staring at me?”

“Well I mean…she’s your math teacher right?”

“Oh shit. Fuck. Are results out?”

“You haven’t checked?”

“I didn’t have math today,” Eren winced.

“Yeah but you have to go and check what you got.”

“I know,” he shoved his plate to the side, then threw his face flat on the table. After a dramatic groan, Eren spoke again, “in my old school everyone could just see each other’s results on a sheet outside the class, you didn’t have to go up and ask.”

“Look, she’s leaving. I’ll come with you to ask, c’mon.”

Frantically, Eren stood up after his friend, knowing he had no choice. His facial expression felt grim, which was unfortunate for him, since he already looked pissed off most of the time. It was pretty fucking embarrassing going up to him in front of all those people, as well.

He wasn’t really listening, until his teacher said that he’d passed.

Both Armin and the teacher looked at him a little strangely when he loudly exclaimed: “yessss”.

In the high-achieving boarding school, a B wasn’t that great considering everyone got straight As, but Eren had never passed a math test in his life. If he was passing the mocks, which were harder than finals, that was pretty good going for him. Everyone in the school seemed pretty out of touch to him – it was as if anything less than an A was just alright and a top grade was the norm. The school had direct links to most of the prestigious universities, so most kids ended up as lawyers, doctors, engineers or whatever other high-paying career they wanted.

Doing alright felt great momentarily, but after the initial happy shock wore off, the worry began to settle. Worry about what the implications of him actually doing well in school were, what it could mean for his future. Or, the future his dad envisioned for him. At least if he didn’t have the grades, there would be no question as to how things would go. This would be different.

He wouldn’t let it, though.

…

By the time he’d reached his fifth mile on the track, it was nearly nine o’clock.

Most nights, the pitch lights were switched on after six, illuminating the darkness – Eren kind of hated that, since he loved running in the dark. There weren’t any sporting activities on Sundays, so he’d hoped that the lights might’ve been left off, but obviously they switched on automatically. It had been a stupid thought, anyway.

Certain areas were brightened by the harsh blue lights; then other parts of the track were dark (specifically where it was furthest from the pitches). The track was just far enough from the dormitory buildings that nobody could see people running from their window, but the pitches were directly across, visible in most cases. Surrounding the track and pitches were trees as far as the eye could see, but there was a tall metal fence to stop kids from running away, though it didn’t even look that hard to climb. There were rumors that it was electric, but everyone knew that was just bullshit the headmaster told them to deter them from trying to jump the fence. 

Eren knew he couldn’t avoid his roommate any longer. Since they hadn’t exactly argued, he had no clue what the situation was. At least if there had been a messy fight, he’d stay away from him, or not talk to him, but this was different. There was almost _concern_.

He walked back to the dorm. In the corridor, his walk turned into a speed-walk, then into a jog, until he was practically sprinting to get back to the room.

‘ _Why am I running?_ ’ he questioned.

He had no idea.

Eren also had no clue why his stomach sank so hard upon discovering the room was empty; the bad gut feeling turned worse.

Some nights Levi did stay out pretty late, but if they had classes the next day he’d usually be in at a reasonable time. Students were allowed to stay out later if they spoke to the housemistress, but his roommate clearly hadn’t done that, since the space beside his name was blank. If he showed up past midnight, he’d get in crazy amounts of trouble; teachers would have been looking for him the entire time.

Nine turned into quarter past, which turned to half past and before he realised, it was ten o’clock and Levi was still gone. The whole thing made no sense, because usually he’d sign in if he knew in advance that he was going to leave or stay out late. This way, he’d have to jump the high fence and somehow get in through the main gate as well – what was he thinking?

It seemed like a no-brainer that he’d just forge Levi’s signature to make it look as though he’d returned back safely.

So why did Eren feel guilty after the fact? And why couldn’t he sleep?

If Levi wasn’t extremely quiet or careful, he’d get caught – worst case scenario he didn’t turn up at all, then there would be no avoiding the situation and Eren would be punished as well, for writing a fake signature. Maybe even suspended.

He sat upright in his bed, rubbing his face.

The wait was killing him.

At least tidying the room would give his hands something to do.

 

 


	9. Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the weirdest writer’s block with this – kept going back and changing, redid it a few times etc., so I'm sorry this update took ages.
> 
> BTW there is a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/so9h0gn7g0pqs59iahrmx6cq0/playlist/3OBE52q3lhhIr3eg4orWqy?si=FjwJJdA6RTaE2vHVoyVz5A) for this that I made and listened to these songs when I was reading/writing the full story, basically what I imagine Levi would listen to in it. Kinda weird but yeah, for this chap it was the 3rd song. 
> 
> Anyway I'll quit rambling, hope you enjoy! Thank you to everyone who likes this, it really means a lot.

 

Eren had always preferred sleeping in complete darkness.

Usually, the dorm was dark, but not pitch black. Light would filter through cracks in the blinds, which he had tried to fully close many times, but every time there would be slits of light that would fall on his pillow or his face when he was lying down.

At first it had been annoying, but for some reason that night, it was _infuriating_.

Once 1 had a.m. passed, the feeling turned from worry to anxiety – the nail biting, fast heartbeat kind that left him tossing and turning for hours. When he was lying flat on his back, he could see his abdomen rise and fall minutely every time his heart beat, but on his side, he could hear his pulse racing in his ears and neither felt right.

He stood up abruptly and stared at Levi’s bed.

 _‘Where the hell is he?’_ Eren thought.

There were a strange few seconds where he just looked at the bed, pictured his roommate lying there. Levi always faced the wall when he slept and every so often, when Eren turned at night, he would just be able to make out the shapes in the darkness.

It looked so bizarre like that: sheets laid flat, pillows too. A foreign feeling that he didn’t understand nor enjoy. Then he caught himself – when had he started feeling disappointment at being alone in their shared room?

Staring at the empty bed, he thought to himself how fleeting everything was: his relationships, his emotions, how tangible his life felt until the illusion shattered, and he was back to reality, clawing crescent moons into his fists. Sometimes, he wondered if it was even worth feeling anything in the first place when he’d always end up proven wrong.

He pulled back the sheets, internally mourning how the bed was ruined after it had been made so perfectly, but if Levi got mad at him, Eren could just argue that the whole thing was his own fault anyway: he was the one who just disappeared and left him panicking, trying to figure out what to do…

He tried sleeping again, it didn’t work.

Then finally, after however long, Eren sat up and decided he couldn’t wait any longer. There was no point in lying around and waiting, when he couldn’t sleep anyway. Going out and looking for Levi was a terrible idea, because it doubled his chances of being found out, but in that moment Eren wasn’t thinking properly. His mind was full of clouding emotions. He stood up and walked towards the door.

At precisely that moment, the lock clicked.

Slowly, the door opened and lo and behold, Levi walked in, staring straight past him.

“You…”

“Where the hell have you _been_?”

The anger settled quickly, gnawing and hot as it always was. There wasn’t even a moment to process anything. Levi tried to walk past, but Eren stood by his bed, blocking him.

“Move, I’m freezing.”

Levi’s eyes and cheeks were red, presumedly from the cold. The weather outside wasn’t terrible, but he was only wearing a black vest top and sweatpants, which was why he was shivering. He stood in his usual way, arms folded and leg jutted to the side, everything about his body language screaming disinterest.

On any other day, Eren would’ve dropped it, let him sleep and forget the entire situation had ever happened, but it was at the point where he was just exhausted and tired of trying to act like he didn’t care. His feelings were so strong that he’d rather risk their friendship than the constant mental second-guessing and questioning.

He had too many questions.

“No.”

Levi shoved past and sat on the edge of his bed, then looked at Eren expectantly until he spoke.

“What the fuck?”

Eren threw himself next to his roommate, lying on the bed and exclaimed, “you can’t just be like ‘oh, move’,” he gestured in front of him with his arms towards the ceiling,

“How can you just act as if nothing happened? Why don’t you care?”

All tiredness was gone.

“I’ve been worried _sick_ , I literally thought my chest was going to…like…I don’t know, explode?” Eren winced at his wording, too far gone to stop ranting.

“And how did you even get through the gate?”

“…”

“Hello? Are you going to say anything?”

Eren sat up and turned fully to face him, angrily staring. At such proximity, he could see the pink in Levi’s cheeks and blue flecks in his grey eyes. Not that it mattered. He lowered his voice.

“And I had to sign your name for you, do you know how fucking dead we both are if anyone finds out?”

He expected his roommate to apologise, or thank him, just _anything_.

It made Eren livid that Levi could just sit there, acting as if nothing happened, or as if his time was so precious that he couldn’t even be bothered to listen. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself for whatever Levi was about to say. Maybe finally he could get some emotion out of the other boy, since it was getting frustrating the constant unimpressed looks and quiet rebuttals; maybe just once, finally, he could get under his skin.

Eren expected Levi to scoff, walk away or frown even slightly. He expected him to call him a dumbass, or a brat, or an idiot. He expected him to shove him to the side and go to sleep.

What he didn’t expect was for Levi to, seemingly out of nowhere, reach forward and cup Eren’s cheek with his hand. It was so cold that he jolted slightly; the cooling sensation was jarring on his skin, hot from anger. He was confused.

Eren attempted to continue his tirade, but it didn’t work.

“And it’s completely ridiculous that you…you…I—” he swallowed, then looked at Levi’s arm, “what are you doing?”

The green-eyed boy could feel himself start to panic. If his heart felt as though it was going to beat out of his chest before, once their foreheads were touching it was a whole new level.

Levi’s voice was so quiet that it was practically inaudible, “just shut up.”

Every time he breathed too loudly, it was piercing the air, not to mention the fact that Levi kept looking down at his lips, with his eyes half lidded. It felt if the stifling atmosphere was something he could break, but he couldn’t just keep quiet.

“What…happened?”

Just like that, the silence shattered.

“Calm down, it’s fine,” Levi sighed, “just needed to clear my head.”

 _‘Is he going to kiss me?’_ Eren thought frantically.

“I’m cold. Gonna take a shower. You should sleep.”

He whispered, “wait, Levi.”

The boy in question brought his hand further down Eren’s cheek until it was splayed across the back of his neck. He shuddered.

“Where did you go? What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

It was clear that Levi was dodging all questions. Leaving the school and risk getting in huge trouble was uncharacteristic enough, especially when he cared about his grades and reputation; the reason he left, whatever it was, seemed like a pretty big deal.

“You…” Eren swallowed, “you feel cold.”

“Yeah, so let me go shower.”

Wordlessly, Eren stared after him as Levi switched the bathroom light on and shut the door. For a split second, the light from the bathroom lit up the room he was in; there was a flash in the mirror that he hadn’t realised was his own face until it was dark again. Then, once Eren heard the shower start, he took his shirt off, pulled back the covers and shuffled to the top of the bed beside the wall where Levi usually slept. The action was partially to irritate his roommate, but also because he felt lazy.

He drifted in and out of sleep, then jolted when he heard the bathroom door open.

“Oi.”

Levi shook him gently, but his face was hidden under his arm next to the wall and he ignored it. If him pretending to be asleep was unconvincing, there was no way for Eren to know, since he could hear drawers opening and closing and eventually felt a dip in the bed next to him.

“You know I’m not that stupid.”

Eren grunted.

“God, you’re fucking annoying.”

He grunted again.

“It’s my side.”

Finally, Eren spoke, “m’comfy.”

After a few minutes of silence, Eren wondered if the other boy had fallen asleep, but his question was answered when he turned around and Levi opened his eyes.

They were bleary and Eren couldn’t tell what that meant, so he said nothing. He whispered quietly. It was barely audible.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“Mmm…” Levi grunted, “nah.”

“I didn’t mean to get annoyed like that, you just really worried me. I couldn’t sleep all night and then right when you walked in I was about to go out and look for you, so it just made me jump a bit.”

“It’s fine.”

“You seem annoyed though,” Eren whispered.

“Yeah, because I’m trying to sleep. Fuck knows what time it is.”

Both boys quietened suddenly and stared at each other when they heard footsteps coming from further down the corridor. As they were getting closer, Eren noticed Levi frown ever so slightly; the same face he made when he was concentrating during cross country or finishing a difficult calculation – the one that was impossible not to stare at.

“What they gonna do at 2 in the morning?” Eren muttered.

“Shut up, dumbass.”

It wasn’t until they passed that Levi let out the breath he had been holding. There was a scoff,

“Why do you care, anyway?”

“Because I, unlike you Jaeger,” Levi yawned then turned to look up, “have a bright future ahead of me.”

“Fuck you.”

Levi said nothing, instead just stared at the ceiling for a bit, then looked back down at the other boy. Ninety percent of the time, Eren felt like things were completely one-sided but every so often, there were strange moments of clarity that he had to dismiss as nothing, otherwise they’d drive him insane. They did drive him insane. The constant questioning and mental back and forth were torture.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

When met with the usual silence, Eren assumed it was fine to just continue.

“Do you think…”

“…”

Levi sighed and rubbed his eyes, “what?”

They stared at each other again for a few seconds, then Eren spoke.

“How old do you think that tree outside is?”

“Why the fuck would I know?”

“I was just wondering,“ Eren stopped himself, face hot, “never mind, you’re right. Sorry.”

Levi snorted, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Even though the window was covered by the shutters, there was enough light from the sunrise that Eren could make everything out, he could see the pale grey of Levi’s eyes, harsh slope of his nose and cheekbones, every minute facial expression was amplified by his closeness.

“You know,” Levi looked away, “you can ask me dumb shit if you want.”

Whether or not that was his attempt at trying to be nice, Eren couldn’t tell.

“Mmm…”

He didn’t understand how things had changed so much in such a short space of time, but it felt like just two days ago when he still wanted to suffocate Levi in his sleep.

“Let’s just ask each other random questions, then.”

“Ok, I guess.”

“I’ll go first,” Eren closed his eyes, the image of a horse appearing, “do you actually like Jean?”

There was no hesitation in Levi’s voice when he said “not really.”

“Your turn, then,” the green eyed boy sighed.

“Are your eyelashes naturally like that?”

Eren spluttered a “yes,” then smoothed the covers, “that was a stupid question.”

“I can ask a different one.”

Eren gestured above for him to continue.

“Why did you join this school?”

_Oh._

He paused for a moment, then formulated his words carefully.

“Uh…my dad made me because I was failing my exams. He’s some big doctor, or whatever but he’s kind of controversial—”

“I know.”

“What?”

“People talked about it when you joined. He’s kind of well known.”

“Oh, right.”

There was a prolonged silence.

“And his car.”

Eren groaned, “it’s so embarrassing, I told him not to get the Bugatti”, then blushed slightly, until Levi snorted and he continued, “but anyway, he wants me to take over his stupid clinic, he always has, even though I never wanted to. And it makes zero fucking sense because my sister gets perfect grades and it’s what she wants to do, but he’s so hellbent on me doing it,” he took a deep breath, “and whether it’s because I’m a boy, or blood related to him, I don’t know, but it’s really fucking unfair.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, and it was fine until…” he paused then looked down, “my mom died…it got so much worse because he just took it out on us.”

“And my sister’s awesome but she doesn’t support me through everything, especially when I fuck up exams – she’s kinda tough love, so she’ll always just be like ‘oh, you can’t make a career out of going to that sports school Eren’ or ‘dad just wants you to do well like I do’ or one time she said ‘you can’t let mom’s death ruin your life’ and I know she’s right but sometimes she just doesn’t know the right things to say.”

“Didn’t you pass that test though?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, wasn’t he right in trying to push you?”

Angrily, Eren whisper yelled, “no, he wasn’t right! The only reason I tried is because I wanted to, not because he spent all that money.”

“I see.”

Then after discussing grades and exams, Eren’s anger was gone just as quickly as it had appeared; he remembered the situation which had arisen from what was basically a deal. The more he thought about what may happen, the more curious he became.

Curiosity mixed with worry.

“Hey, Levi, about the math test thing.”

“Here we go.”

“I know it was just the mock, but are you going to make me switch rooms or whatever? You already get dibs on the bathroom, anyway.”

“Nah, I’ll wait ‘til the actual exam.”

“For what?”

Levi ignored him.

“Hello??”

So Eren sat up and hunched over the other boy, shaking him. The covers bunched around his waist and he looked down, quickly hyper-aware of the fact that he was only wearing underwear. He reached to cover himself slightly.

It was so sudden, then the atmosphere completely switched. He moved to sit back down, heart pounding in his chest, then felt his arm being grabbed.

“I…”

Then Levi pulled him closer by the shoulder, until they were nose to nose for what felt like the millionth time that night. He couldn’t help his eyes from closing slightly.

There was a quiet “ _fuck it_ ” and before Eren had a chance register what was happening, he felt his roommate kiss him. So quick – just a soft brush of their lips.

Barely anything had happened, yet the initial moment would replay in Eren’s head for months. That fucking kiss. Had he known the shitstorm of emotions it would cause, perhaps lifting the weight from his chest would not have been worth the satisfaction.

There was no time to think about anything, or question what it meant, or implications for the future, because all he wanted to do was just kiss Levi more and feel him everywhere. So he leaned in again and what started off as an innocent brush of lips soon morphed into something headier, until he was holding back moans, green eyes barely visible from around his dilated pupils. Every few seconds, Levi would pull back slightly, then bite his lower lip and they’d start making out again, until he finally stopped to speak.

“Eren.”

He ignored him; Levi sighed and pushed him away.

“I’m fucking exhausted.”

The brunet boy pushed soft strands of hair behind his ears, breathing heavily, “do we…do we have to sleep?”

Levi sighed a “yes, obviously.” Gently, he ushered Eren off his lap and back onto the bed, until they were lying together; he could feel green eyes boring onto his own closed lids.

“Quit staring.”

It was hard to sleep after everything that had happened, but there was no choice, really.

“Goodnight.”

And after Levi had told him to stop staring, there was a huff, but Eren was silent for once; just continued to imagine what the other boy would think and see behind his closed eyes at night, once everything was said and done.

“Yeah.”

“…”

“Sweet dreams.”

-


End file.
